Under the Sea
by grandlarseny
Summary: archived: Eherm..Manages to explain a plot hole in GW's first episode, while parodying the Little Mermaid's Under the Sea


~AC 195~

Lauren's Note: In the beginning of the Gundam Wing series, we see Heero fall into the ocean with his Gundam. The next time we see him, he is lying unconscious on a beach. No one knows what happened to him during the time he was found on the beach and when he crashed into the ocean. This is my take on it. 

~AC 195~

~Somewhere close to Northern Europe~

"Damn!" Heero yelled trying desperately to get the controls to stop sticking. 

He looked at the monitor in disgust. The man who caused him to go down before he even touched land floated gracefully to Earth, his long hair billowing behind him mixing with the white of the parachute. 

"Pansy." Heero muttered with a great deal of contempt. 

He let his hands fall limp at his sides. He couldn't abandon his Gundam. Without it, his missions would be impossible to complete. He watched the seawater approach him with surprising speed. His closed his eyes as the Gundam impacted, sending him sinking to the bottom. The Gundam hit the sandy bottom with a jarring thud. Heero sat there bracing his hands on the chair edges.

'Alright Yuy, how are you going to get out of this one.' Much to his surprise, he heard faint music outside of the cockpit of his Gundam. Someone was playing music in the middle of the ocean! Heero discarded his spacesuit, picked up his hand-held breathing device and, heedless to the pressure, swam out of the protection of his cockpit. (AN: Of course the pressure'll never kill him. I shall completely ignore that factor.)

__

Heero, Listen to me.

The human world- it's a mess

Life under the sea is better than anything they got up there

The sight that met his eyes was beyond comprehension. Hundreds of fish and other under water dwellers were playing instruments, and a little crab was leading them all, singing to a red haired…whatever it was! Heero's eyes widened considerably as his hand flew to his head to check for any major injuries. 

"Hey mon, you new around here?" The crab asked Heero.

**__**

(Duo: *imitating Sebastian* Hey Mon, why you look like you constipated 

all the time?

Lauren: *laughing* DUO!

Heero: *deathglare*)

Heero shook his head vaguely before a large manta ray grabbed him, ready to tango. The crab followed, singing his too-happy-to-be-real song. 

__

The seaweed is always greener

In somebody else's lake

You dream about going up there

But that is a big mistake

"But I LIVE up there" Heero protested, thinking of the colonies. 

"What you talking about mon, you're just a weird lookin' mermaid."

Heero quickly looked down at his legs, horror sprouting, but was relieved to find his legs still intact. What was that crazy crab talking about? 

__

Just look at the world around you

Right here on the ocean floor

Such wonderful things surround you

What more is you lookin' for?

The red-headed thing must be a "mermaid" Heero deducted, mostly because of it's humanoid appearance. It resembled him more than any other creature down here, thus giving that psycho crustacean reason to mistaken him as one of them. The manta ray jerked him this way and that. Heero, frustrated, boinked it on the head and swam away. He looked back, smirked, and promptly crashed head on with another life form. Whirling around quickly he came face to face with the "mermaid". He drew his gun out of its' holster by force of habit and the mermaid squealed. Thinking it properly intimidated he turned to swim away but she grabbed the gun out of his hands and swam away. 

"Why me?" Heero questioned the surface wearily before swimming after her. 

__

Under the sea

Under the sea

Darling it's better

Down where it's wetter

Take it from me

Heero followed the fish thing to a big rock. She looked around suspiciously then opened it and swam into the hidden entrance of a cave. Heero approached the entrance and looked at the rock. 

'This is a joke right?' He thought as he picked up the rock one handed and threw it carelessly to the side, squishing a goofy looking yellow and blue fish. Heero grinned psychotically as he entered the cave. 'Prepare to experience the Yuyinator.'

**__**

(Duo: Heero that's such a corny phrase!

Heero: Don't look at me, she's she one writing this

*both looked pointedly at Lauren*

Lauren: Ok, ok! So cool lines of destruction are not my thing! Would you like to recite a yo mama joke instead? I know LOTS of those

Heero: *looks frightened* No! That's ok

Lauren: *evil grin*

Duo: *equally evil grin*)

Heero grinned psychotically as he entered the cave. 'Yo mama so fat, when she jumped on a rainbow, skittles popped out.'

**__**

(Heero: You didn't.

Lauren: Oh,I did. 

Duo: Booyah!)

__

Up on the shore they work all day

Out in the sun they slave away

While we devotin'

Full time to floatin'

Under the sea

He looked around suspiciously. Unless he was mistaken, this was a storage cavern of sorts. He could spot several of the Great Missing Paintings of all time. Most of them were speculated were to have been burned in houses during times of war. What the hell was this!? He jerked his head up to see an unnaturally large pair of blue eyes staring at him not three inches from his face.

"GAH!" Heero flailed about and fell over, backing away from the (as he so affectionately nicknamed it) 'scaled freak thing' with all the speed and grace he possessed in his awkward position. 

"Are you a HUMAN!?" She asked almost in awe, once again up in his face.

"No, I'm rare breed of squid. Give me back my gun."

"I think you're lying to me. You ARE a human!"

"Very good, now give me back my gun."

"No. It's mine." 

Heero sighed (well, as well as one CAN sigh underwater) before he delivered a light blow to one of her pressure points. She slumped over unconscious as he reclaimed his gun. 'There there, baby, daddy's back' He cooed to his gun patting it lightly before setting in his holster.

**__**

(Heero: I DO NOT flail and I DO NOT talk to my gun.

Duo: You talk to your Gundam.

Lauren: So do you

Duo: But that's different!

Lauren: How's that?

Duo: Because Deathsythe's my good buddy!

Lauren: *rolls eyes*

Heero: *upset* Why couldn't Wing and I have that kind of relationship! 

*sobs*) 

__

Down here all the fish is happy

As off through the waves they roll

The fish on the land ain't happy

They sad 'cause they in their bowl

But fish in the bowl is lucky

They in for a worser fate

One day when the boss get hungry

Guess who's gon' be on the plate

Heero just wanted to get back to his Gundam and get the hell out of this weird ass ocean. But no. It couldn't be that simple could it! Is anything ever that simple! NEVER! Why couldn't he just kiss the girl at the end of series, like NORMAL heros. But did he even get THAT consideration? Huh!? NO! He had to go and try to get himself killed AGA-

**__**

(Lauren: Heero I think it's about time you gave me back that keyboard.

Heero: *pouts and hands keyboard to Lauren*)

Ahem, so anyway.

__

Under the sea

Under the sea

Nobody beat us

****

(Heero: That's what you think)

Fry us and eat us

In fricassee

We what the land folks loves to cook

Under the sea we off the hook

We got no troubles

Life is the bubbles

Heero was on his way to freedom. His Gundam was but a few feet away. Suddenly he felt his arms being restrained by a slimy rope-like material. He looked behind him and saw a extremely overweight octopus woman. He shook his head. 

'Is there no end to this madness!?'

**__**

(Heero: Apparently not.

Duo: Oh come on Heero, I'm not that bad!

Heero: I was talking about HER. *glares*

Lauren: *beams*)

Under the sea

(Heero (as the echo): it's really queer)

Under the sea

(Heero: GET ME OUTTA HERE!)

Since life is sweet here

We got the beat here

Naturally

Heero leveled the hulking mass of octopus lard in front of him with a glare that would freeze a fire in its' tracks. 

"Hello HUMAN!" She shrieked a manic gleam in her eye. Dear God. Not the human thing again. Heero took careful aim with his gun and shot her clean through the shoulder. She doubled over in pain as a dark black substance leaked out of her shoulder. Heero turned to swim away…

__

Even the sturgeon an' the ray

They get the urge 'n' start to play

We got the spirit

You got to hear it

Under the sea

But Ursula had other plans. She quickly suctioned him to her tentacles with her…uh…suction cups.

**__**

(Heero: You're mastery of the English language never ceases to amaze me

Lauren: Quiet you!)

Unfortunately, due to the wound she had received Ursula was having some trouble controlling her magic. 

__

The newt play the flute

Heero suddenly found himself human no longer, but a newt….and with a flute at that.

__

The carp play the harp

Poof! Oh great, this was MUCH better

__

The plaice play the bass

Poof! Now THIS was more like it

__

And they soundin' sharp

Why thank you

__

The bass play the brass

POOF! Heero looked at the instrument in disgust before tossing it aside carelessly just as the goofy little blue and yellow fish wormed it's way out from under the rock. BONK! Poor Flounder.

__

The chub play the tub

POOF! What is a tub anyway!? POOF!

__

The fluke is the duke of soul

Heero: Yeah!

The ray he can play

POOF! Play what?

__

The lings on the strings

Oh…wait, is a ling an instrument or a fish?

__

The trout rockin' out

POOF! Heero fish with a mohawk…heh heh

__

The blackfish she sings

POOF! Heero looked down at the shimmery black dress. 'At least it flatters my slim figure.'

__

The smelt and the sprat

POOF! Good half Heero smelt and Evil half Heero sprat looked at each other dubiously.

"Would you like some oatmeal cookies?" Good half Heero smelt asked

"Not a chance, you little girly fish." Evil half Heero smelt answered.

__

They know where it's at

Good half Heero Smelts' chin started to quiver when suddenly

POOF!

__

An' oh that blowfish blow

Heero looked at his new body. 

"Ok this is just getting ridiculous."

POOF!

__

Under the sea

Under the sea

Heero looked down at his spandex clad legs. Thank god. Ursula took one big hulking breath and then passed out. He took a last look at the poor excuse for a villain before swimming off. He needed to get out of here NOW!

__

When the sardine

Begin the beguine

It's music to me

****

(Heero: *covers ears* What is that god awful noise!?

Duo: It sounds like a dying moose!

Lauren: No, no, don't be silly, that's just the sardines beguineing.

Duo & Heero: OOOOOhhhh.)

Heero found the crab still singing when he got back.

"Hey Mon! You still leaving for the surface?" 

" 'Fraid so." Heero replied unconcernedly.

"Well just listen to the rest of me song first." Sebastian insisted.

__

What do they got? A lot of sand

"I LIKE sand" Heero protested.

__

We got a hot crustacean band

*female crabs wink at Heero*

__

Each little clam here

Heero:"Mmmmmclams." 

Clams: AAAAH!

__

know how to jam here

Heero: Not anymore…MWAHAAHAHA!

__

Under the sea

"It's the 5th ring of hell" Heero sang along cheerfully

__

Each little slug here

Heero: Mmmmmmslugs

Slugs: AAAAAHHH!

__

Cuttin' a rug here

Heero: Not anymore…MWAHAHAHAHA!

__

Under the sea

Heero looked around eagerly…were there any more tasty underwater creatures?

__

Each little snail here

Heero: Mmmmsn-

King Triton: YOU! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO KNOCKED OUT MY DAUGHTER!

Heero: Oh crap!

Snails: HA!

__

Know how to wail here

Snails: *wail*

__

That's why it's hotter

King Triton: *warms up trident*

__

Under the water

Heero: *turns to run*

__

Ya we in luck here

Heero: *trips and falls*

**__**

(Heero: UNDERWATER!?

Lauren: Once again I say, quiet you!)

__

Down in the muck here

Heero: *gets up, is covered in goo* You got that right.

*King Triton blasts Heero out of the sea*

Heero: AUGH!

__

Under the sea

*************

The girl tugged the helmet off the body on the shore.

"He's just a boy!" She exclaimed. He awoke with a vicious start.

Heero leapt to his feet, looking around wildly for any of the singing fish or the demon mermaid. He brought a hand to his mouth to wipe away the mud he had choked on when he fell down. He looked down to see a girl about his age looking up at him. 

"Did you see it!?" He asked fiercely. 

"See what?" She asked confused.

She hadn't seen it. The dancing crabs. The huge octopus women and the weird scaly freak thing. Heero looked at the girl on the beach again. Huge blue eyes just like-

He threw his hands up in the air and ran away screaming.

She blinked in confusion before she got up and walked away.

A.N. I don't even know what I was doing with this. I was just having crazy fun! Hope you liked it (although I can see how you'd be a tad bit confused) 

**__**

Heero: I just wanted all of you to know that I was forced to participate in this example of utter lunacy against my free will.

Lauren: What Heero really meant to say was that he begged me to write this for three weeks straight.

Duo: Hey Heero! 

Heero: Hn?

Duo: Yo mama is so stupid, that if I gave her a penny for her thoughts I'd get back change. 

Heero: OMAE O KOROSU!

*chases after Duo*

Lauren: Ah, life is good.


End file.
